Observation

Disclaimer: This post is written from the eye of a mere onlooker, forgive me if my two cents offend a lot..do see it as the tale from the other side of the coin instead.

I don't even know if it's important to even write this piece. Probably to the reader this is a piece of pure crap.

Somehow, I clutch this close at my heart as I DO CARE, only I don't manifest them. Being vulnerable is the last I yearn to be seen as. That's another story.

Anyway...as much as I care, it has not much to do with me, you see. But I feel that I do need to speak out, regardless of how many ears are there ready to listen to my say. Not speaking out for myself, but for those who had no chance to speak out their genuine, caring hearts' content.

If the hat fits, wear it. If you feel this is for you, then it is for you.

When certain circumstances seem to befall on us, many times they are not within our control. The only difference, being pleasant or otherwise. Some fell unexpectedly, some hit the jack pot, not knowing their luck. As some took on the stage, some had to leave. What binds them all is, the circumstances being out of their control.

Some are left wounded, a brave soldier who needs to recuperate. As other mates understand, they tried their best to give what they believe is best to allow to heal. Perhaps they didn't understand what was really needed for the best. Perhaps they didn't know the right word to say, the fitting gesture to give.

Rather than giving the medicine that heals, when a person has a wound what believed to be the cure may aggravate it all together. It is true, an exercise is what humans all need but when sick or wounded, a swim or a jog only makes things worse. Do understand though, everyone tried to give what we believe is best, for our soldier's interest. We tried, and perhaps disappointed.

Perhaps we forced down the medicine we thought would heal.

Adverse drug reaction, some say.

But I truly feel for those who tried so hard, so sincerely to make best way in interest of our fighter's heart; only to be returned with cold shoulders. The one whom they tried to lift up, to give a sense belonging seem to reject them...it only hurts more. And what already hurts was the fact that they were the ones who gave support from the very start and they feel they are now being brushed aside.

But do acknowledge the effort the caring ones gave, the sincerity and care behind their every words and actions.

But then, we do try to look at the other side of the medal; Perhaps the brave soldier needs some time or space,or whatever that's necessary to move on. For that, we're willing to step aside and be patient.

Time shall tell the difference.

I for one am the last one deserving to be such friend- I am standing merely as an observer who seen enough of one side of the coin and trying to understand the other side of it. A coin has two images, you see- each one telling a different story.

Somehow, it's necessary that I speak for those who cared, for those who tried. I care too but not being able to help as I am not fit or qualified to be nursing matrons of the front line.

Again, I am after all, merely stand as an observer.

Perhaps they, and I are not intellectually in the same wavelength as our soldier. Maybe it could be we hurt rather than heal by mistake. Could it be because of our yin and yang? Irreconcilable differences?

Once again, perhaps it is simply time the essence needed to heal. And space being the element that nurtures recovery. Perhaps our brave soldier is doing what is best to come back. And we shall be waiting for the moment.

See it this way: are not created equal or the same. The best way is to speak out, it helps us to see the side that we thought we understand, the side of the coin that we believe is the same as the other. Perhaps whatever I wrote is provoking anger rather than helping at all.

I truly care, but am in no position in this matter. I am not the best to look for, talk to and confide in. I understand my limitations and my faults. My sincere apologies; for not being a good ear, a gentle mouth, a soothing face. Maybe one is yin and the other is yang, which supposedly be good because they balance out each other but rather than balancing, they cancel out each other leaving only a neutral ground; not left nor right.

I don't know, maybe one day fate shall churn us all in one circumstance to teach us a lesson to create a symphony, together side by side. Til then, my best wishes can only come from my heart and hope for the best...for the brave soldier's best interest.

The phoenix rose from its ashes, not from its glory but from the situation that seemed utterly impossible, the quantum of solace.

You can make it, I have faith.

Forget what's behind

Every time those words ruin my day, every time the tone demotivates, every time the sentences break my spirit, every time when it seems hopeless John Lennon comes into my mind with his song Jealous Guy.

For that I'm willing to drop all my feelings and let it go, with all the hurt and pain behind...no trace.

Choices

It all comes down to one question: What do you want?

I come to a point where I face this question and have no answer in turn. When I don't get the attention I wish for, my moods take a nose dive and hit bottom crash. Hard.

Really, I wonder...is it truly his love that I'm hungry for? Or is it plainly I thirst after attention on me? Which do I take? If it's really his love then why does my rationale refuses to understand his situations, that he has his needs and other priorities, and I can't just insist on being his focus all the time?

If it's not, then am I being selfish? If it's only my need for attention, then why must it be only from him, not other company in my life?

And why would I still continue to rely my happiness solely on him? Why wouldn't I try to look for inner joy on my own and then only search for added happiness from him?

It all comes down to one question: What is it that I want?
I can only choose one answer and each answer gives a path that gives different lives to lead.

I choose to love and to cherish him instead.

stoned

Sometimes it seems really undeserving when all day you're in cloud nine but just that one sentence spoken in a very lousy tone simply shatters your day. Like a stone hitting right through the window.

I was really soaring high in the skies and before you know it, I lost my wings.

I survived through practical sessions today, scathed and battered. But no, I wasn't even an inch close to being emo while some others gave faces that exorcised a thousand demons. In fact, I felt still great.

I survived through the deprivation of TGIF and still felt its fine. Just an afternoon and a weekend off to finish up reports..I still have another 51 more in a year to enjoy, doesn't matter.

Sigh...but just that one sentence of disapproval simply turns my world outside down. Feeling emo? Check. Down? Check. Loss motivation? Check.

I lost it. The momentum is gone. All I have left is the cruel reminder of the harsh, cold reality that slaps me hard on the face, stripping me off the only sense of hope to keep me going.

And that's all that's left.

I'm still alive and kicking

Hello, world. Testing, testing, one two three...can you hear me?

After a long comma (in writing, not my physical health), i believe it's time to resuscitate my love for writing(craps) again.

Long story short, life has proved to be easier and tougher along the way...the path that I trod on is now smoother but proves to be pretty slippery too. One *oops* and you'll fall. Hard.

As for writing or rather typing,the inspiration or actually, the skill that's necessary to compose a post has definitely slumped altogether...in fact, came to a total full stop. But then again, we all need to start somewhere don't we? So then again, life goes on from...here? Actually I'm still living my life the best I can. Only I didn't write them into words and post them into the web.

Well, more to pour out with plenty of useless facts to flog your brain with lame, over exaggerated remarks.

Don't say I didn't warn you of bad posts from here. That's all folks!

Cuts...

When you have the idea of how the future is mapped in front of you and you can see how beautiful it gets, its inspiration.

It seems that when you lose control of certain situations and you feel down, thats depression. If the remedy is as so simple, all we need to learn is to resign as pilots of our lives. Feeling rock bottom low sometimes don't happen for any reason, it just does.

While some cuts heal, some wounds bleed out and the gap never close up. Especially those cut by the people you expect to soothe, the scars will only remind you of how painful it is.

One way leads to another

Have you ever moments before you dip in your spoon to taste a hot curry to find that the dish was swapped for a bowl of tom yam instead?