I remembered the last time I screamed that way to a guy was actually to my ex. At that point I decided there was no need to try salvage the sinking relationship.
Never would I thought that today I would be doing the same, screaming just as loud. And I really don't know what my next step should be...because the last time I did the same I already cut off the previous relationship. Honestly sometimes it's so much easier, shut it down and not think of it. Done.
In fact, haha it's so much cleaner if I slip away this time- he's from another state, we won't get to meet and seriously, what are the odds of bumping into him in the streets? Simple and easy.
Jokes aside, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Maybe the tide will come down again. Or maybe the dam will start to show some cracks and eventually blow off.
Or maybe the tide will come down again.
ice cream
three ice cream cones for three days consecutively. i think i gotta stop. its expensive come to think of it. and i might lau sai soon.
sunny day today.
sunny day today.
mayday
I don't know if anyone ever reads this blog again. Well, it does feel good sometimes reading back old memories...reading those posts really take you back down memory lane as if you relive those moments again.
I don't really know how to tell this to anyone; all along there's a constant reminder in my head that I am actually not truly happy. With results showing crap, heavy workload sometimes I really don't know where to vent it all out. All this while I really wish I could go back home and shut the world behind me, not hear a thing. Sit back and actually BREATHE.
This time I feel that this is hard-cold reality in my face rather than an episode of drama. Wish I can just be honest and say "I'm not really ok...can you give me a hug?" I've been burying this feeling deep down and I just hope I can suppress it down til the storm gets over.
I don't really know how to tell this to anyone; all along there's a constant reminder in my head that I am actually not truly happy. With results showing crap, heavy workload sometimes I really don't know where to vent it all out. All this while I really wish I could go back home and shut the world behind me, not hear a thing. Sit back and actually BREATHE.
This time I feel that this is hard-cold reality in my face rather than an episode of drama. Wish I can just be honest and say "I'm not really ok...can you give me a hug?" I've been burying this feeling deep down and I just hope I can suppress it down til the storm gets over.
too late.
When the world compliments on you yet your heart goes out to that one
When he happens to be the only one who don't get to see that
You just have no choice other than to suck it up and you go on to try to fill the gap that can never be filled.
And time? Always the factor which widens the gap into an inconsolable ocean.
When he happens to be the only one who don't get to see that
You just have no choice other than to suck it up and you go on to try to fill the gap that can never be filled.
And time? Always the factor which widens the gap into an inconsolable ocean.
Berdikari = Berdiri di kaki sendiri.
Lightnings do strike. Not just once, twice but thrice.
Three strikes is a wake up call: enough,that's it, I'm done. I'm learning to stand on my own two feet.
Day 1 starts from here.
Three strikes is a wake up call: enough,that's it, I'm done. I'm learning to stand on my own two feet.
Day 1 starts from here.
Learning to hold on.
Seriously you want to know how my life is turning out? Sucked big time.
In movies you would hear adults showing their emo scars they got from high school: how mean those girls were and probably still are, what it felt to be labeled as a freak, yada yada yada and today they are just perfectly normal in a better place.
Fast forward to my so-called adult life, it's a far cry from anything near this hierarchy thingy. Except there are no queen bees and some rugby player; just queens. Or divas.
Looking back, I don't recall my high school being anywhere near that difficult. They don't isolate you simply because they believe you are trying to steal their friends (no, I do not know how on earth that idea came about) nor do they play some dumb cold war simply because you made a decision based on logic and they believed you take sides. Next thing you know, every single memo you send out will translate into either stony silence or some you're-taking-sides-rant.
Or when you realised that you might not that likable by someone it does not equal to hate or loath. It's just I'm keeping a distance to avoid unnecessary friction. Why is it so important for everyone to love you? We like you enough, let's just stick to that.
DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. If only there's Best Reality Show Storyline in Oscars. At least there's some consolation in it. It takes another pain to forget another I guess. Those wounds I got in college are simply...preliminary to this huge giant black hole.
Or maybe because I am learning to live life in balance; that my degree is not only my ultimate goal. I have a relationship to care of, with a very great guy which I do not ever want to lose because I didn't do enough of my part. I have family. And not to forget I want to pick up on knowing more of God. It simply does not mean I don't care to study. It simply means I don't want to lose other beautiful things in my life for one single goal. That's not sacrifice or compromise...that is simply taking things for granted. And for what? Recognition that probably costs more pain than its supposedly fulfilling reward.
In movies you would hear adults showing their emo scars they got from high school: how mean those girls were and probably still are, what it felt to be labeled as a freak, yada yada yada and today they are just perfectly normal in a better place.
Fast forward to my so-called adult life, it's a far cry from anything near this hierarchy thingy. Except there are no queen bees and some rugby player; just queens. Or divas.
Looking back, I don't recall my high school being anywhere near that difficult. They don't isolate you simply because they believe you are trying to steal their friends (no, I do not know how on earth that idea came about) nor do they play some dumb cold war simply because you made a decision based on logic and they believed you take sides. Next thing you know, every single memo you send out will translate into either stony silence or some you're-taking-sides-rant.
Or when you realised that you might not that likable by someone it does not equal to hate or loath. It's just I'm keeping a distance to avoid unnecessary friction. Why is it so important for everyone to love you? We like you enough, let's just stick to that.
DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. If only there's Best Reality Show Storyline in Oscars. At least there's some consolation in it. It takes another pain to forget another I guess. Those wounds I got in college are simply...preliminary to this huge giant black hole.
Or maybe because I am learning to live life in balance; that my degree is not only my ultimate goal. I have a relationship to care of, with a very great guy which I do not ever want to lose because I didn't do enough of my part. I have family. And not to forget I want to pick up on knowing more of God. It simply does not mean I don't care to study. It simply means I don't want to lose other beautiful things in my life for one single goal. That's not sacrifice or compromise...that is simply taking things for granted. And for what? Recognition that probably costs more pain than its supposedly fulfilling reward.
Left right fun time.
Speak = not right. Don't speak = not right.
Write = not right. Not write = not right.
Sing = not right. Silent = not right.
Soft = not right. Loud = not right.
Since nothing is right, all that's left is....left.
cool..I don't suppose my English teacher's gonna be proud with this piece of crap writing though..
Write = not right. Not write = not right.
Sing = not right. Silent = not right.
Soft = not right. Loud = not right.
Since nothing is right, all that's left is....left.
cool..I don't suppose my English teacher's gonna be proud with this piece of crap writing though..