No one would ever thought it would turn out this way. If I could turn the clock back...I wish I could.
I took him for granted. And even though it wasn't anyone's fault, looking back the way the path had twisted into...I can say it was all my fault. If only, if only.
All I can say is...it's over.
Butterfly Takes Off: is it too late to remind how we were
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=share
Life has many surprising turns
Story of my life. Met a nice orang putih on train. He seemed really interested...even asked me out for coffee. Syok right? After that it's as though I'm a plaque. Must have screwed up somewhere. Fine, it's just a train ride and we're from different places. Apalah. Better if I have not known him at all. How confusing.
Anyway, all along I've stayed devoted and loyal to my boyfriend. However this time there was a temptation to pursue further especially with all the turbulence and turmoil. However after giving another thought, perhaps it was after all the thrill of being wanted and the possibility of escaping my life and start afresh again.
Funny how minds can change so quickly. Just a moment ago I was determined to find my yahkid and now I'm so heavily distracted. Such fragile is the human mind. This time I would like to start right, fix my life rather than abandoning and escape from it. Time to turn my life around.
Anyway, all along I've stayed devoted and loyal to my boyfriend. However this time there was a temptation to pursue further especially with all the turbulence and turmoil. However after giving another thought, perhaps it was after all the thrill of being wanted and the possibility of escaping my life and start afresh again.
Funny how minds can change so quickly. Just a moment ago I was determined to find my yahkid and now I'm so heavily distracted. Such fragile is the human mind. This time I would like to start right, fix my life rather than abandoning and escape from it. Time to turn my life around.
Finding My Yahkid
True...the last few days were rough and turbulent. In those moments when you are not ready to listen to advice, actually those are the time you needed the most. Came across to a podcast by a pastor and it gave a lot of fresh insight to my relationship.
Of course I can't blindly make a decision based on a guy speaking but slowly I can see the direction of path going towards. For now, rather than focusing or fantasizing the ideal of the relationship I should focus on being independent or a wholesome person. Perhaps the mistake was viewing my partner as the other half to fulfil my lack in my life but the truth was being with a partner is not about finding someone to fill our needs. So before committing 100% to this relationship, the wisest choice is to allow the dough to set before baking it. Right now, I would want to look for my yahkid. In greek it means to be wholesome as an individual and find my footing in this world as an individual.
And the part of looking for a suitable partner? Perhaps one day soon I'll be able to decide the best. Let's not rush into a decision, we'll see and time shall tell. =)
Of course I can't blindly make a decision based on a guy speaking but slowly I can see the direction of path going towards. For now, rather than focusing or fantasizing the ideal of the relationship I should focus on being independent or a wholesome person. Perhaps the mistake was viewing my partner as the other half to fulfil my lack in my life but the truth was being with a partner is not about finding someone to fill our needs. So before committing 100% to this relationship, the wisest choice is to allow the dough to set before baking it. Right now, I would want to look for my yahkid. In greek it means to be wholesome as an individual and find my footing in this world as an individual.
And the part of looking for a suitable partner? Perhaps one day soon I'll be able to decide the best. Let's not rush into a decision, we'll see and time shall tell. =)
can u hear me
The only place I can say my thoughts without worrying the possibility of hurting anyone's feelings. Or hearing. So here goes.
This whole long distance relationship thing. All I ever need is to hold on til we meet again. Reset button. In fact a lot like an aspirin after a long headache. Honestly, I don't know how long will I be able to hold on. Either way everyone's going to get hurt. Either way healing is necessary. Lately there's been too much of this.
I wish you could hear the voice deep in me. I love you but why do I feel like I'm drowning? I can't imagine my life without you but why does being with you suffocates? I'm tired of deciding what to do...this time can you decide instead?
This whole long distance relationship thing. All I ever need is to hold on til we meet again. Reset button. In fact a lot like an aspirin after a long headache. Honestly, I don't know how long will I be able to hold on. Either way everyone's going to get hurt. Either way healing is necessary. Lately there's been too much of this.
I wish you could hear the voice deep in me. I love you but why do I feel like I'm drowning? I can't imagine my life without you but why does being with you suffocates? I'm tired of deciding what to do...this time can you decide instead?
Record of my life
Just cried. I just want to say lately I feel like really drowning in this relationship. After all these years it felt like talking to a stranger. Opinions oppose. Views that you can't share. And it's really easier to just cry alone than to struggle to work it out.