He has always been in my heart and mind. As for his photo, it has always been in purse.
Somehow I could never bring myself to gaze at his picture long enough lest the inevitable urge to break down and cry will follow. Thus, for days it lay hidden in my purse, behind layers of cards or sometimes when I look at the picture, it will only be a flash and that's it. Not long enough to trigger the tears reflex response, I'm spared from another cry-me-a-river session.
Funny, because last night I seemed to forget about all the consciousness and I pulled out the picture to have a good long stare at it. As I gazed more and more, the familiar sense that I have not been faced in ages came flooding over me- his face that identifies him. All the sudden I can see him smile back to me. Instead of suppressing the wave of warmth, I let it all flush down on me. I was afraid of losing the sense of warmth, was afraid of losing the familiar look that gives a thousand assurance. Quickly, I sought to learn him by heart as much as I could.
In the midst of worries, there came a whisper from my heart that I need not try to learn him by heart but came no reason why to explain. Finally from deep down the bottom of my heart, I finally realised that I didn't have to learn him because I have already known him by heart. Just, not much enough...and at that exact moment I realised that I love and miss him so much.
Undefined by words but by intuition instead, that was the answer I have been searching all the while.
The inevitable gush of salted geyser soon followed..probably due to bad formulation of hormones. Drat.
0 comments:
Post a Comment